Here's the thing... and I say this as a recovering sexist and homophobe.

Just because you're a bigot today doens't mean you have to be one tomorrow. You *can* be better. No one is perfect, but you can learn and grow. It's one the best things about being a human being.

The problem with whiteness isn't racism in and of itself. It's that white people *refuse* to learn and change. They still carry the same attitudes from 4 centuries ago.

We see that at play on the fedi everyday.

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In whiteness, the *greatest* offense is to recognize and identify bigoted behavior. In that culture, that's the end of the conversation and their fragility takes from and center. The harm bigotry causes takes a back seat to hurt feelings.

In the cultures I come from, that's just a start to understanding and is an opportunity to *do better*.

This context simply does not exist in whiteness. It is dedicated to not changing.

The inflexibility is the same reason it's killing itself.

There are *thousands* of culture in the fedi. No one is going to be perfect on every issue. But being perfect isn't the point. Learning from each other is.

And yeah, that process is sloppy and messy, but growth is a tough process. It's just the nature of becoming a better person.

For many folks on the fedi, there is simply a refusal to learn and acknowledge the humanity of another person.

And that's just whiteness. That's the core of the problem on the fedi and most social networks.

There are a few people I won't engage with not because they are bigots but because they won't address the harm their bigotry has caused.

I don't hold grudges against bigots because we all need space to learn an grow. What makes prompts me to cult people off is harm. And a lot of people want me to 'compromise' while they are actively enabling harm against me and mine.

That's why I block bigots. I don't give a shit about random insults. I care about *harm reduction*.

A lot of folks say they are sorry and all that, but the harm they encourage continues.

And since I have been on PV, any bigot that I have blocked have *never* addressed the campaigns of harm launched against my instance.

All of that just leads me to believe people don't want to change.

As the fedi grows, there is a distinct group of people that simply do not want to change as more and more diversity comes to the fedi.

Which is a microcosm of the societies we exist in.

We *can* change for the better. We can build new bridges between our cultures and experiences that simply did not exist before. And we can do so without having force people to manage the toxicity of our biases to get there.

Only bigots don't want this. Only a person that demand the world to bend to their subjective bias would refuse to learn and grow.

And that's not the direction the fedi is going, no matter how much they bitterly complain.

Our progress is inevitable.

@Are0h

Thank you for helping me find some words for the things I'm trying to learn, un-learn and re-learn.

@Are0h societal change is tough, often taking generations and bloodshed. Technology is helping us to do this on the timescale of decades instead which is incredible imo.

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@Are0h Good advice. I do intend to read into cultures more, because I'm sure that will help a lot.

@Are0h

"In whiteness, the *greatest* offense is to recognize and identify bigoted behavior."

So much this.

When I tell someone that, say, their joke is racist, they get seriously pissed. Often close to punching me.

I get the most positive results from "Dude, that's racist AF, you're better than that." But they're still pretty damn pissed.

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